Stomping to PgConf.US: Webscale is Dead; PostgreSQL is King! A challenge, do you accept?

I submitted to PgConf.US. I submitted talks from my general pool. All of them have been recently updated. They are also all solid talks that have been well received in the past. I thought I would end up giving my, "Practical PostgreSQL Performance: AWS Edition" talk. It is a good talk, is relevant to today and the community knows of my elevated opinion of using AWS with PostgreSQL (there are many times it works just great, until it doesn't and then you may be stuck).

I also submitted a talk entitled: "Suck it! Webscale is Dead; PostgreSQL is King!". This talk was submitted as a joke. I never expected it to be accepted, it hadn't been written, the abstract was submitted on the fly, improvised and in one take. Guess which talk was accepted? "Webscale is Dead; PostgreSQL is King!". They changed the first sentence of the title which is absolutely acceptable. The conference organizers know their audience best and what should be presented.

What I have since learned is that the talk submission committee was looking for dynamic talks, dynamic content, and new, inspired ideas. A lot of talks that would have been accepted in years past weren't and my attempt at humor fits the desired outcome. At first I thought they were nuts but then I primed the talk at SDPUG/PgUS PgDay @ Southern California Linux Expo.

I was the second to last presenter on Thursday. I was one hour off the plane. I was only staying the night and flying home the next morning, early. The talk was easily the best received talk I have given. The talk went long, the audience was engaged, laughter, knowledge and opinions were abound. When the talk was over, the talk was given enthusiastic applause and with a definite need for water, I left the room.

I was followed by at least 20 people, if not more. I don't know how many there were but it was more than I have ever had follow me after a talk before. I was deeply honored by the reception. One set of guys that approached me said something to the effect of: "You seem like you don't mind expressing your opinions". At this point, some of you reading may need to get a paper towel for your coffee because those that know me, know I will readily express an opinion. I don't care about activist morality or political correctness. If you don't agree with me, cool. Just don't expect me to agree with you. My soapbox is my own, rent is 2500.00 a minute, get in line. I digress, what did those guys ask me about? Systemd, I don't think they were expecting my answer, because I don't really have a problem with Systemd.

Where am I going with this post? I am stomping my way to PgConf.US with an updated version of this talk (You always learn a few things after giving a performance). I am speaking in the first slot on Friday and I am going to do everything I can to bring it. I can't promise to be the best, I can promise to do everything in my power to be my best. I am being recorded this time. My performance will be on the inner tubes forever. I have no choice.

A challenge, do you accept?

I challenge all speakers at this voyage of PgConf.US to take it up a notch. If you were accepted, you have a responsibility to do so. Now, now, don't get me wrong. I am not suggesting that you put on a chicken suit and Fox News t-shirt to present. I am however suggesting that if you are a monotone speaker, try not to be. If you are boring, your audience will be bored and that is the last thing the conference, you or the audience wants. So speak from your diaphragm, engage the audience and make their time worth it!